I just can’t stop loving you. And if I stop, then tell me just what do I do?

So, you may have heard….. MJ is gone. I know i’m extremely late posting about this subject, but that’s partly to do with the time it took to process this information and fully understand it (although it still hasn’t really sunk in – i can’t believe it!) and partly cause I was so caught up in reading other peoples posts about him and other news stories that I forgot I had a blog too LOL.

MJ was one of my first music Icons. I was absolutely in LOVE with him and Lauryn Hill, the Fugees and then Brandy from the age of around 7 until… well, until now i guess. The ‘Dangerous’ album, although it may not be heralded as one of his best, was the soundtrack of my childhood and after hearing the news I put that straight into the CD player and yes, i shed a tear or maybe 100. It bought back a lot of memories. Mostly nice, some not so nice, but all a part of me and my own history. Speaking of History, the HIStory album was also a classic for me as a kid, and I will never forget going to the HIStory tour at Wembly (arena or stadum, not sure which) when i was about 7 or 8. It was AMAZING. I don’t remember too many specific details, except that it was PACKED and he was really far away so I was looking at him on the big screens. I mostly remember him performing ‘You Are Not Alone’ cause my mum was standing next to me saying, ‘oh i looove this song’ over and over again lol! Then I remember getting home and sitting in the bath singing all of my favourite songs that he had performed, and strangely, thinking of my Dad.

I’m just glad I got to see him perform live in my lifetime. That’s the reason I didn’t go mad to buy a ticket when the 02 tour was announced, but it’s a shame for all the people that were looking forward to seeing the Legend in the flesh.

He was good at so many things, singing, dancing, writing, PAINTING (have you seen his drawings?!) and all from such a young age. He had 4 consecutive #1 singles and spawned classic ballads that are popular 30 years later, all at the age of 12!! I know it takes many people to get someone to such a height of fame, the talent has to be there in the first place.

Although loving his music is a given, I loved Michael for his spirit, his creative genius, and his ability to appear so humble even after his collossal success. He obviously changed, very noticeably i might add, in interviews he always seemed to not quite get why everyone was praising him so much, and would always accept compliments very gracously and almost bashfully. He appeared to be so shy and unconfident a lot of the time when speaking. Maybe he felt most comfortable singing. That is really apparent from this interview with him in 1983. This was after Thriller and when he lived at Neverland. He was being interviewed at home, and he got his sister LaToya to come speak to the cameras too. It’s a really nice sibling moment and a lovely side of Michael. He mentions ‘magic’ so many times! He was definitely a whimsical soul. Check out the video. There are 2 other parts, this is part 3. If you go to YouTube you will find the others, they are worth watching! (I also love how he said East Indian’s were his favourite race of people! lol) 😉

Despite all of the allegations against Michael for numerous things, I choose to let my memory of him remain untouched. I do genuinely think he was a man who loved kids purely because of his own lost childhood, and he was searching to reconnect with something, some feeling that he missed out on. I don’t know if he did anything to those kids or not, but I don’t think he really had it in him. In a way i’m quite glad his ordeal is over and he can now rest peacefully. I don’t think he ever knew who he truly was because when you’re followed and scrutinised your whole life, it’s almost impossible to feel relaxed at any moment and to truly explore your own self, especially when you’re trying to be so many things to so many people. It really disturbs me, reading the news reports that describe his body to have been in an emaciated state with needle marks and only half digested pills in his stomach at his time of death. It seems that some of the most talented people have such tragic ends and it just shows you really never know what’s going on in the inside of a person, or even under their clothes. If it’s all true, I find it incredibly sad the state that he was in.

I won’t go on, except to say that I will always have love for Michael. I don’t remember a time when he didn’t exist (because for me, there wasn’t) and I regret that my kids won’t be able to experience him in their lifetime. His legacy, however, will live on. He had a beautiful spirit and soul and a mind of creative genius.

R.I.P. Michael Joseph Jackson. 1958 – 2009.


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